Ask the Groom Interview #2
Do you ever wonder what the Groom thinks about the engagement and wedding process? I do! So, my husband had the wonderful idea of interviewing men that are in one of three categories; (1.) wanting to propose, (2.) engaged, and/or (3.) married. He went first and his interview can be found in my previous blog entries. Next was my Dad. He has been married to my Mom for 35 years. I figured he would have some great advice about this subject. Here is what he had to say:
Q: If someone were to ask how you met Mom how would your version of the story go?
A: Your mother disagrees with me about how we met. As she remembers it, her best girlfriend’s boyfriend introduced us to each other. Actually, we actually met at a dance toward the end of our first semester at Indiana University. I need to be understanding because your mother was probably so taken by love-at-first-sight (or my dancing prowess) that she can’t remember accurately. It’s funny how time can change one’s memory of what really happened. In any event, it was clear to me from the very beginning that your mother was someone I wanted to get to know better.
Q: How long did you know her before you started dating?
A: After we met at the dance it wasn’t long before I asked her out on an “official” date - maybe a week. I’ll never forget the look on her face when I asked her out. It was similar to the look on her face after her doctor recently said that it was time for a routine colonoscopy. I said, “Hey, I’ve seen that look before.” (I have a very good memory.)
Q: As a couple when did you start talking about marriage, rings, and the long term “future” of your relationship?
A: I don’t think your mother started talking about marriage until we were seniors at IU and I was scheduled to move to Grand Rapids, MI to do an internship.
Q: How long did you date before you were engaged?
A: We dated almost four years before we were engaged.
Q: How did you know she was “the one”?
A: After dating your mother for almost four years in college it suddenly dawned on me, “Hey, she’s the one.” I’m very quick like that.
Q: Once you knew she was “the one”, how did you know when, where, how to propose?
A: I had no clue. Seriously! No clue whatsoever! I was constantly winging it back then.
Q: How long did it take you to plan your proposal?
A: It took no time because I had no plan.
Q: Did you know she would say yes?
A: I had a pretty good idea, but one never knows for sure.
Q: Now be honest, were you nervous?
A: I’m sure I was. It was all a blur to me – even back then.
Q: Did you ask her parents for her hand in marriage. Was this something someone told you to do or was this important to you personally as well?
A: I did not ask her parents, but now I wish I had. I was so clueless about this sort of thing. In all fairness, I don’t remember ever learning how to ask someone to marry me in school, or from my friends, siblings, or parents.
Q: Did you bring a trusted friend with you to pick out the ring? How did you know she would like it?
A: Again, I didn’t have any money, so I couldn’t afford a ring. I did buy your mother a beautiful diamond anniversary ring for our 25th anniversary. “Good things come to those who wait.”
Q: What were you feeling after you were engaged?
A: I felt simultaneously happy, anxious, relieved, thrilled and I’m sure somewhat apprehensive. “Are we really doing this?”
Q: After you were engaged and the excitement died down a bit did you ever have a freak out moment? Did you ever wonder, “What have I done?” or say to yourself, “My life is over as I know it!”
A: I remember just taking one step at a time. Your mother doesn’t do “freaking out” so she was fine. She was calm, cool and collected, and had it all under control. I was almost totally unaware so we were a good match. It all worked out.
Q: If your answer was yes, even if it was mild, how did you get over this feeling? What comforted you; your faith, family, friends, your fiancé?
A: Your mother threatening to kill me if I ran away kept me focused. Actually, knowing that my parents and your mother’s parents had such strong marriages was extremely helpful. I don’t know what people do who have no positive role models in their lives.
Q: How was the wedding day for you? Were you nervous, anxious, and impatient?
A: I was like 007 – cool and confident, but I remember your mother looking like she was thinking, “OMG, what have I gotten myself into?” She looked really nervous.
Q: What would you have added or taken out looking back?
A: I liked our wedding and wouldn’t have changed a thing. It was elegant in its simplicity.
Q: Now that it’s been over 35 years what still sticks out in your head?
A: What sticks out in my mind is that I was “flying by the seat of my pants.” I was happy that we were getting married, but I didn’t fully comprehend the significance of it all.
It’s ironic to me now that we are called upon to make one of the life’s biggest decisions at a time in our lives when many of us are least prepared to make it. In our case it worked out well, but one look at the national divorce statistics and you realize that many folks aren’t so lucky.
As far as the actually wedding ceremony is concerned - the bottom line is that everyone should use a wedding planner. You need a calm, objective third party who has experience and who can think clearly, and can manage all of the details. The absolute last thing you want is the drama, runaway emotions and/or panic that so often occurs when you, or a family member, try to do it alone. (Thanks for the plug Dad!)
Q: What are some pieces of advice you could offer a man that wants to propose in a unique and fun way?
A: Get help! Even if you thinkyou have everything under control, you need an objective, outside perspective. You need to get past your own emotions which can blind you to what is really going on. (You might just see something like this offered through Lucky Girl Weddings in the future…Proposal Planning…wait and see!)
Q: What is your advice to men during the engagement process?
A: Again, get help! Talk to someone who knows what they are doing and who’s ego and emotions are not all tied-up in the process.
Q: Many studies and polls state that the first year of marriage can be full of trials and tribulations. Do you agree with this?
A: For us it was like living in the land of milk and honey. Actually, we went through the inevitable “trials and tribulations” of really getting to know one another. Thank goodness we were patient with each other. That’s the key.
Q: What is your advice on how to have a happy marriage?
A: For men, just do whatever you wife says. All kidding aside, I would boil it down to a few simple rules, all of which I have at times broken, but which I believe in nevertheless: (1.) be patient, (2.) don’t over-react, and (3.) focus on the positive.
Q: How do you think you have changed the most from being married?
A: I think your mother should answer this one, but hopefully I have changed from being a clueless, immature boy to a loving, caring, family-centered man who has been a good life partner and father to our children. I am a better person because of our marriage. I know your mother would agree that as a result of our marriage, our lives are better in ways too many to innumerate.
Thank you Dad (& Mom) for letting me interview you! Who’s next? Readers, let me know if you think your hubby or fiancé would be a good interview candidate. (You do not have to be a past or current client to participate.)
